Kristin Kirgan Photography | ...And Then, She Started To Breathe

...And Then, She Started To Breathe

November 14, 2014  •  2 Comments

Dear 2014,

You've been a bitch. Yes, I said "bitch", that's a word I rarely ever use, but you've earned every vowel for how you have been non-stop spinning your wheels on the roller coaster in the amusement park called "LIFE".

Six years ago, slapped by another one of your lows, I set out to re-discover my purpose in life. Who was I? Who did I want to be? What did I want to create? I've always loved photography, the independence of  being alone to dance with the moment. The feeling that no one and nothing could come between the moment and me, knowing that I was the only person who saw the moment and captured it in a little black box only to bring it back to my peers and share with them the magic in which I witnessed. This was the gift my soul wanted to be smothered by like Aunt Jemima to a stack of pancakes. I wanted photography to be poured all over me, all over my soul, all over my mind...I wanted being a photographer to stain my hands and I wanted my right index finger to grow a blister the size of Buddha's belly.

The power of this thought brought me closer to my dream when six years ago, a good friend of mine was leaving town for several months and was looking for a home for their beloved Canon D-SLR Camera. Was this the universes' way of telling me I was on the right path to my destiny? I Jumped on the opportunity like a bull in a China shop (Being that always came natural to me). But more so, because I had found my passion. I had spoke, and the universe started to listen...And so, my journey began.

Since then, It hasn't been an easy road. I struggled...I grew. I cried...I grew. I was broke...but I...ok so i'm still growing that one...but the moral of the story is there is no easy way to accomplish your dreams and goals. You have to stay positive and fight, because life will always give you the opportunities to make your dreams a reality, but it will also give you the opportunities to quit. If it were easy, It wouldn't be worth having. Now, Photography, that always came easy, but becoming a "Photographer" has been a constant annual marathon through the La Brea Tar Pits. I watched as my friend's around me started moving up their corporate ladders, buying fancy cars, buying houses, having kids, buying their kids fancy cars (ok, Power Wheels...but I would have done anything for a Power Wheels car when I was a kid!!!) Yes, it was hard to watch, It was also hard to watch my hard earned money going towards $1000 lenses or for that matter most of ALL my money going towards paying for photography equipment. Do you even know how many times I considered spending that money on a flashy pair of "red bottom shoes" so I could be cool like all the other girls??? But every time, reality stepped in and the quote my Stepfather shared with me when I first made the decision to become a photographer would burn me like a moth to campfire in Florida, he said, " You can make a million dollars being a photographer, but you have to spend a million dollars getting there." I guess I hoped that if you give, you will get double back??? ...still waiting Samy's! In reality, though, I did begin to see all my hard work and dedication begin to blossom. Every year, since planting that little photo seed, I watched as my journey would grow like the Spring time and fade a little in the Fall. But like the repetitive nature of the seasons as long as I continued to water my seed my roots would become stronger and grow bigger then ever before.

Fast forward to our love/hate relationship with our darling 2014. Or as I like to call it "20-DOOR-TEEN", because this year many doors were closed, few were bolted shut never to be opened again and one HUGE magical door was opened. That magical door, we will call the "Gateway". An opportunity to bring me closer to my purpose in life through traveling, photographing, exploring and documenting the moment the way only I see it.

So, this blog, which I revived from my last blog back in 2010's "Girl with a Camera...And Some Balls", will be my black box to share with you my journey, except this time I'm just "A Girl With A Camera"...sans balls. I had learned since then that balls aren't really that strong as everyone thinks, they just sag and have a best friend who's a dick.


Sam Bendall(non-registered)
I love your writing and the fire that comes along with it. It reminds me a bit of myself. Except I have balls and honestly, they just get in the way.
Good for you(non-registered)
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